


For Now

by olive_loves_lights



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Tree Bros, attempted suicide, much angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-08 20:30:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11089356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olive_loves_lights/pseuds/olive_loves_lights
Summary: Connor just so happened to be at the orchard the day Evan fell. Maybe now they can figure out how to do more than just pretend they have friends- except Connor gets dared at a party to get Evan to agree to date him, and that changes things significantly.





	1. Falling in a Forest

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published story, and I'm super excited to give this a try!

The day was warm and sunny. Evan could feel the sun on the back of his neck as he climbed. School had just let out, and he had said his final goodbyes to the building. There had been something calming about knowing that he’d never have to come back. There would be no more vocab quizzes, no more getting shoved against lockers, no more lunches eaten in the bathroom. There was finality in saying goodbye as he went through his day.

Evan climbed the tree shakily. His hands sweat, and so at intervals he found himself wiping his hands on his pants. He had begun to hyperventilate at some point, and he found it vaguely concerning, but not enough to stop. When he reached the top of the tree, Evan looked down at the ground. It was so far, and he had always been a little afraid of heights and gosh, this was awfully high and- no. He needed to do this. Junior year had been, put simply, hell, and he couldn’t do another year. He couldn’t. 

Every day was a struggle. Every single day. His mom wasn’t ever home, so he sat alone, eating out of an empty fridge because of how afraid he was to just call and order from somewhere. When he went to school, there was nothing to look forward to. He didn’t have friends, and Jared just used him so his parents would pay for his car insurance. There was nothing left for him. Only his mother would notice that he was gone, and even she wouldn’t have much time to be upset. 

Evan shimmied across the highest branch, his eyes squeezed closed tightly. When he felt the branch thinning, he opened his eyes. This was it. He looked out at the field. It was a beautiful place, and he was almost sad knowing he’d never see it again. Almost. He sucked in a shaky breath, feeling dizzy, and pushed himself off.

Falling happened quickly. Evan could feel himself plummeting, and before it even registered, he landed hard on the ground, his wrist crumpling beneath him. The wind was knocked from his chest, and he laid on his back wheezing and staring up at the harsh sun for what seemed like forever. As his breath evened out, Evan closed his eyes. Tears began to stream down his face. It hadn’t worked, it hadn’t worked and now-

“Your name is Evan, right?” a voice said from above him.

Evan sat straight up, closing his eyes at the pain. After a moment he opened his eyes and looked up at the stranger, who it appeared wasn’t much of a stranger.

Connor Murphy stood awkwardly in front of Evan, staring down at him with masked concern. Evan’s brain reeled with everything he knew about him. Connor was a stoner, Connor did not do homework, Connor skipped school, Connor threw a printer at his second grade teacher. Connor also, apparently, knew his name.

“Y-yeah. Um… um… y-you’re Connor?” Evan said, the fingers on his good hand flexing and relaxing in a rhythmic motion.

“Yeah. I would ask what the fuck you think you’re doing here, but I think I’ve kind of got a clue,” Connor said, kneeling down. “You know, you’d need to be a lot higher than that to kill yourself. Like, a lot higher.”

“O-oh, um… good to know?” Evan said nervously, putting all of his effort into not getting up and hiding behind a tree. 

“It’s really fucking not, but whatever,” Connor said. “That was a pretty nasty fall.”

“I-I’m okay. I-I just thought that maybe it was highenoughbutapparentlynotandIthought, well, um… um… I’mprettyfinerightnowI’mnotthathurtand-“

“Slow down, your tongue is going to catch on fire or something,” Connor said. “Your arm looks like shit.”

Evan’s arm hung limply beside him. It was rapidly swelling, and was bruising from just below his palm down to his mid-forearm. 

“I-it kind of d-does,” Evan mumbled. “I-it kind of feels like… like…”

“Shit?”

“Yeah.”

Connor looked at his arm for a moment. “Do you need a ride to urgent care?” Connor asked. “You’re gonna end up there eventually, might as well go now.”

“Y-you don’t have to do that, I-I drove anyway, so i-it’s not like… I mean, I’d h-have to pick up my car and-“ Evan began, before being cut off by Connor.

“So should I just wish you luck on driving with one hand?” Connor said, standing up. “I’ll start getting together my funeral attire.”

“I… I hadn’t th-thought about it that way,” Evan mumbled. “I suppose a r-ride wouldn’t hurt.” Was Connor Murphy really offering to… help him? Evan’s mind reeled.

Connor extended his arm to Evan, whose eyes immediately widened. Were his hands sweaty? Oh god, they were sweaty. He wiped his hand on his pants, but he could feel the sweat doubling and he was sure it was pooling in his palm and that was gross and-

Connor took Evan’s hand and roughly pulled him to his feet. “Come on. Staring into space is not going to get you to urgent care.”

Evan stared at Connor for a moment before nodding. “Right.”

Connor began walking toward the open field. A warm wind blew through the trees, and Evan took a deep breath. It was a beautiful afternoon, really. The sky was covered in clouds that moved quickly with the wind, and cicadas hummed in the trees.

“Now, I don’t do this… feelings shit with people most of the time, and if you tell anyone I told you this, I will murder you, but… you know, killing yourself isn’t really a solution. It’s just an escape that causes more pain than it gets rid of,” Connor said, looking angrily at the ground. “So just… like… don’t fuck up your life like that.”

“I-I don’t think I’d h-have a life to, um, m-mess up at that point,” Evan said, glancing over at Connor. “Sorry, that was uncalled for. Sorry.”

Connor smiled involuntarily. “That’s the point. So just… don’t. And I’m serious about murdering you if you ever tell anyone I said this.”

Evan nodded. “Um… thank you.” 

They walked the rest of the way in silence. Evan was on the verge of tears, but grateful that he didn’t have to bother with conversation. He was left to think, and as he thought, he just… he wasn’t worthy of life. Everything around him was so beautiful. The sky and the trees and the birds and even Connor seemed to be more than a computer-throwing maniac, and… who was he? Was he just the ugly part of something greater than himself?

Ten minutes later, Evan and Connor arrived in the parking lot. Connor had parked next to Evan, and led him to his car. He unlocked the doors and opened the passenger side for Evan. Evan climbed in, looking far away. Connor got in on the driver’s side and started the car, pulling out of the gravel lot and beginning to drive.

“Oh- I’m s-sorry, um, thank you. For, um, opening the door,” Evan said, blushing. “I’m sorry, I-I should’ve said that.”

“You’re fine, Evan,” Connor said bluntly, silencing him. Connor glanced over at him once before the road began to wind.

Evan was odd. Connor had never payed him much attention, but he knew of him. He knew he was nervous, but he had kind of just figured that he was one of those weird kids who just didn’t communicate well, not that he had something seriously wrong. It had been far more disturbing than he liked to admit to see him tumbling out of the tree. It hit a chord in his chest, and though he had known that he should probably just walk away, avoid the situation, he just couldn’t. And now Evan Hansen was in his car.

“I won’t tell anyone what happened today if you give me your word that you won’t try to do shit like that ever again. Do I have your word?” Connor asked, taking a risky glance over at Evan.

“I-I promise.”


	2. One Foot After Another

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing has been v hard lately so bear with my please as I find my groove

Connor had taken Evan to the hospital and waited with him in the waiting room. However, as soon as his mother had shown up a few hours later, he had left. He did not want to be in the middle of that. He had waited in the parking lot, considering waiting for Evan, finding some way to follow up, but eventually he had just driven away.

Connor sat at home in his room with his guitar in his lap. His lanky legs were thrown out over the bed, as scattered as the sheets. He slowly played random chords, feeling the hum of the strings beneath his calloused fingers. Evan would not get out of his head. Connor felt compelled to check in with him, somehow, to make sure that he was alright. He played an angry A minor and pushed Evan from his mind, brows furrowed.

* * *

That summer, Evan was thankful that the tree had not been high enough. He returned to the orchard several times, just to sit. He enjoyed the walk through the field, and would sometimes sit down and look up at the sky. When he was in a particularly good mood, he would pick wild flowers for his mother- bright yellow like the sun and fanned out to look like the clouds, he thought they were beautiful. When Jared came over and saw them, he asked if Connor had given them to him, smiling cheekily. Evan had bluntly stuttered out a "no".

* * *

Connor woke up late on the morning of his first day of senior year. He swore under his breath and pulled himself out of bed, his eyes falling closed and his legs cursing him for standing. He threw on a pair of black pants and a black shirt- because what else was Connor Murphy expected to wear, anyway- and bolted down the stairs, bag in hand. Going to school was the last thing that he wanted to do, but he figured that the first day was going to come eventually. It either occurred on his terms, or the truancy officer's. He threw himself down onto a chair by the kitchen table, just across from Zoe, who glared at him viciously.

"You're going to make me late," Zoe said. "And, by proxy, Alana. Doesn't screwing up other people's lives ever make you feel bad, Connor?"

"Not usually," Connor said. "Gives me a sense of joy in my miserable, miserable life. And don't worry, I won't make you or your girlfriend late, because I'm not going today."

"It's your senior year, Connor, you are not missing the first day," Cynthia said, filling up her husband's coffee cup.

"I already said I'd go tomorrow," he said, resting his head tiredly on the table. 

"He doesn't listen. He's probably high," Larry said, sipping his coffee and glaring at his son.

"He's definitely high," Zoe said, looking immensely satisfied.

"Fuck you," Connor mumbled.

"Fuck you," Zoe responded flippantly.

"I don't want you going to school high, Connor!" Cynthia said, looking completely overwhelmed by the events of the morning.

"Perfect, so then I won't go," Connor said, standing up and flashing her a smile. "Thanks, mom."

Cynthia looked prepared to have a mental breakdown as Connor left the room.

* * *

Evan arrived to school early. He didn't want to be late, because then he'd make a bad impression on his teachers and people would stare at him as he came in and they'd laugh and wonder why he was late and none of those were very good options, so he showed up early to avoid them all.

He stood at his locker, hunched over, and began to unpack his school supplies. As he did so, he tried to calm himself. This year would be good. This year would be amazing. This year he would be different, however different he needed to not be such a... such a loser. He closed his locker gently to keep it from making a sound and stepped back, running straight into someone. He turned around quickly, his body moving in an awkward turn.

"What the fuck, you fucking freak?" Connor Murphy snapped angrily, looking ready to push him over. recognized Evan and bit his lip. "Evan."

"I'm sorry," Evan said, his eyes wide. He wrung his hands, head bent down at the ground, and then mentally slapped himself- they'd get sweaty if he did that.

"No, um... just, just go," he said, a glint of anger in his eyes. Connor stalked off in the other direction. Evan watched him go, trying to settle his rapid breathing. He leaned back against the lockers and caught his breath before walking to class. 

Evan was not the first one to arrive in class on the first day for the first time in his life, and there was more than one level to his disappointment. Seated in the back corner, head down on a desk, was Connor Murphy. When Evan came in he glanced up, and looked stricken by some odd emotion Evan couldn’t quite place.

“Evan,” Connor said stiffly. “Good to see you.” He said it like it wasn’t as good to see him as the words might imply.

“You don’t have to be nice,” Evan said, and then quickly began again, shrinking into himself. “I’m sorry, was that assuming? I’m sorry, I didn’t… maybe you were being honest, I’m sorry. I mean, you probably aren’t that happy to see me since I’ve only ever seen you once, and that one time wasn’t extremely pleasant, and-”

“Please stop talking, you look like you’re going to fucking pass out or something,” Connor said, inciting another panic for Evan as he nearly snapped his neck turning around to make sure the teacher wasn’t present when Connor swore. Connor tried to keep himself from laughing, marking the action as cruel.

“I’m sorry,” Evan said, looking panicked.

“You apologize a lot,” Connor said, picking at his nail polish. “Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to sit down?”

“Oh, um… I’m gonna sit down,” Evan said, sitting down in the closest seat. He cracked his knuckles, some joints hurting as he bent his fingers forward, backward, and to the side.

Connor watched Evan, a look of mild disgust on his face. “I have never seen anyone crack their knuckles to the side before,” he said, looking between Evan’s fingers and face in discomfort.

“Oh, you should see this,” Evan said, cracking his thumb at the mid-joint repeatedly. “I’m not sure if this is a problem, but see it just cracks over and over and god, that’s weird, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize after everything you say. Let’s just settle for the apology being implied,” Connor said, watching him with slight concern.

Evan stared him intently, and Connor felt his cheeks heat up. “You’re trying not to say it, aren’t you?”

Evan nodded vigorously. “I’m- s- okay. Okay. Yeah, sure,” he said, trying to pass it off as if he were totally cool. He smiled and tried to look blase.

“If you say so,” Connor said, looking unconvinced. Before Evan could begin to start rambling again, the teacher walked in, and Evan instantly turned around in his seat, pulling out a blank notebook. He began anxiously titling the page, his focus on Connor gone. 

“What, don’t want to talk to me in front of the fucking teacher?”

Evan turned around. “W-what?”

“You’re just gonna ignore me as soon as the teacher enters? It’s okay, I get it. Connor’s just a fucking freak, right? Not even good enough for you, right? And you don’t even have anyone better,” he said, storming out of the classroom before the teacher could even open her mouth. Evan watched him go, his expectations for the day crumpling like the piece of paper he had begun scrunching up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~comment~


	3. Anybody Have a Map?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stephen King once said, "The road to hell is paved with adverbs."
> 
> I am going to hell.
> 
> Anyway, I watched Pitch Perfect 2 again today. I forgot how much I love Benji.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter! I've been writing for like 3+ hours a day every day (not usually on this project) for the past week and a half, and today I didn't get very long to write, so this entire thing was written at like 1 AM
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who left a comment on the last chapter! Comments really make my day!

JaredtheB0$$: have u considered that maybe he is a freak  
EvanHansen1: Jared.  
JaredtheB0$$: is he ur boyfriend now?  
EvanHansen1: JARED.  
JaredtheB0$$: im withholding judgement  
EvanHansen1: I just want him to not be mad at me, Jared. He was talking to me. I want people to talk to me without running away. You know, like a normal person  
JaredtheB0$$: withholding comment  
JaredtheB0$$: anyway, there’s a party tonight  
JaredtheB0$$: you should go with me  
EvanHansen1: I don’t think so. And it’s the first day of school, are there really parties already?  
JaredtheB0$$: ~party never stops~  
JaredtheB0$$: but pls, itll be fun  
EvanHansen1: How long have you known me?  
JaredtheB0$$: zoe will be there, and everyone will be too drunk to remember any stupid things you say  
EvanHansen1: Maybe if Zoe’s there. But I really don’t think I want to go  
JaredtheB0$$: ill pick u up at 8

Evan did not want to go to any kind of party. There would be people drinking and smoking and really, smoking should be an instant no. Because that meant secondhand smoke, and that meant cancer and that meant chemotherapy and that meant spending money and sickness and death. But… Jared had said Zoe would be there. Evan knew that was probably a lie, a lie so that Jared wouldn’t have to go alone. But…

At 7:30, Evan began getting ready. He got dressed, of course, but he also went over the things to remember for the night. He needed to be himself. But he also needed to be confident. And interesting. And easy to talk to. And nice. And cool. And funny. But, you know, he mostly needed to be himself. And if he saw Zoe, he couldn’t think about his hands sweating. If he thought about them sweating, then they would sweat. So, no thinking about sweating. Because girls don’t like boys who sweat. Unless they’re sweating in a gym. But Evan wasn’t in a gym.

Wow, he needed to calm down. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Heidi peaked open the door. “Evan?” she said, stepping into the room with a grin. “I got your text. Only the first day of school, and already a party? Gosh, aren’t you just Mr. Popular.”

“Jared is kind of making me go,” Evan said bashfully, beginning to bunch up the hem of his shirt.

“Aw, it’s a good start, honey. You’re gonna have a great time. Don’t drink and don’t do drugs and make good decisions, okay?” she said, walking to him and putting her hands on his shoulders and rubbing gently. “You’re gonna have so much fun.”

“Yeah,” Evan said, giving her a forced smile. “So much fun.”

A honk blared from outside the window. Heidi gently kissed the top of Evan’s head. “Tell me all about it when you get home. Be back by 11, I should be home by then, okay?” she said. Evan nodded and slipped out from under her hands.

“Bye, mom,” he said, a tinge of nervousness in his voice.

“Bye, honey,” she said, watching him walk away, the sad look on her face almost as dramatic as if he were going off to the army.

Evan left the house quickly and closed the door behind him just as Jared honked for the second time. He stuck his head out the window of his car, calling to Evan, “Come on, we want to be fashionably late, not get there after everyone’s already passed out.”

“Coming,” Evan muttered, going to Jared’s tiny car and slipping into the passenger seat. “Is there a girl here that you’re trying to impress, or something?”

“Am I not allowed to have fun, Evan?” Jared asked. “Just imagine that you’re taking part in a very large group chat, if that makes you feel better.”

“There are a lot of differences between a group chat and a party,” Evan said, glancing over at Jared and beginning to crack his knuckles. He was reminded of what Connor had said earlier about how he cracked his knuckles to the side, but tried to push the thought from his mind. “Are you sure Zoe will be there?”

“Not at all. But at least there’s a chance of seeing her. If you stayed at home there’d be no chance,” Jared said, smiling cheekily.

“How much do you value your car insurance?” Evan asked, smiling innocently at Jared.

“Evan, my pal,” Jared said. “That’s not important, is it? I mean, you’re putting yourself out there. Maybe it’ll be good for you. You’ll thank me later.”

“Before or after I get assaulted by a drunk football player?” Evan asked, seeing how many times he could fold up the hem of his shirt before it slipped from his fingers.

“Both. I mean, when you get to meet Ellen to tell your inspirational story of recovery, you’ll definitely be thanking me,” Jared said, grinning. “Now quiet, we’re nearly there. We need to show up and look like we would rather be anywhere else, got it?” 

“Got it,” Evan said, sighing.

Jared parked on the side of the road, smiling and getting out. Evan got out and walked to him. Jared put his finger over his lips and began walking toward the party with an idiotic, presumptuous gait. Evan tried to stifle a laugh.

There were already red solo cups spread around the yard, and people stood clumped by the door. The house seemed to vibrate with sound. Jared walked straight through the peopple, brushing them aside as if they were just dust on his shoulders. Evan followed quietly behind.

* * * 

Connor had decided to go to the party last minute, and almost entirely for the alcohol. He had left school after first period and just gone home. He had sat around all day, too lazy to even bother with getting high. He slept and stared at the ceiling, and as soon as he caught word of the party, decided to go. He figured he’d just get drunk and then head home.

He arrived at the party an hour after it had begun. He ducked under the toilet paper that dangled from the front door, and walked in. The couch was occupied by a couple making out, and many other couples looked about ready to reach that stage. Alana Beck was leaning against the wall, phone in hand. There was a mildly confused and annoyed look on her face that Connor deciphered as meaning that he had best head in the other direction. As he walked through the crowd of kids in various stages of intoxication, he spotted Evan in the corner. He had a cup in his hands that he seemed huddled around, like maybe if he concentrated on wrapping himself around it he might disappear. Connor felt a tinge of regret at what he had said in first period, and for a moment considered apologizing, but decided to just walk away.

Connor ducked into the kitchen. Another couple was making out on the counter, and he pushed right past them to get to the fridge. He opened it and pulled out a beer, cracking it open with a bottle opener magnet attached to the refrigerator. He moved out to the living room and sat next to the couple making out, sipping his beer quietly. He sat for a little while in silence before there was a tug at his shoulder. He spun around angrily.

“Hey, Columbine, you’re playing truth or dare with us,” Jared said, with an almost bored expression. “The winner gets to take home the leftover alcohol.”

“You can’t win truth or dare, and you assholes don’t actually want me to play,” Connor said, taking a swig of beer.

“Winner is the person who lasts the longest without refusing anything given to him. We want you to play because we think you’ll make this interesting, and because Chloe is drunk and is kind of rambling on about you,” Jared said, taking a sip from his cup. ”So, come on. With the way you’re drinking that beer, getting leftovers might be a good thing for you.”

Connor considered for a moment. There wasn’t much to do on the couch, and he figured that if he was going to drink, he might as well watch people embarrass themselves as he did so.

“Fine. You’re on, Kleinman,” Connor said, standing up. Jared smiled and led him to a small circle of people sitting on and around the staircase, composed of Jared, an obviously drunk Alana, and a couple other people he didn’t know. He assumed the blonde girl staring at him was Chloe.

Jared sat down like he was the leader of some odd nerd cult, and Connor hesitantly sat on a the lowest stair.

“Alright, everyone,” Alana said, looking out over the group and smiling. “If you receive a truth or dare, you pick the next person to take a turn. I’ll start. Jared, if you could date one person in this group, who would it be?”

Connor rolled his eyes. It appeared that this group wasn’t even going to be much needed entertainment. He turned his attention to his drink. He swirled it around in the bottle, and then downed the rest of it. His mental state was not yet impaired, so he deemed his alcohol level insufficient. He got up and went to a cooler, opening it up. He pulled out another beer from the ice and popped open the can, returning to his perch on the stairs.

“Connor,” a boy from his history class said. He sat three stairs up and looked down at Connor with a smile. He had shaggy brown hair and a poorly shaved beard that he looked too young to possess. “Truth or dare?”

Connor raised his eyebrows. He didn’t suspect anyone would pick him out. He much preferred to drink quietly and observe, and figured no one would want to mess with him.

“Dare.”

The boy looked around the room, and then pointed to poor Evan, still huddled in a corner. “Get him to agree to go on a date with you,” the boy said, snickering into a cup of Pepsi.

Connor looked at Evan. He finished his beer and nodded. “Got it.” 

Connor didn’t quite feel himself as he got up. He hadn’t had anything to eat all day, and he was feeling a little fuzzy. He walked through crowds of people in a daze before arriving to Evan. Loud music pounded into his ears.

“Hey, Evan,” he said, itching to go grab another beer. “I’m sorry about snapping at you in first period.”

“I-I… thank you…” Evan said, trailing off. He bit his lip. “I-it’s really fine, you know.”

“Not really,” Connor said. Evan looked at Connor with a shifty gaze. 

“I-I… after everything you’ve done-” Evan began, his gaze shifted down to the ground.

“Will you get coffee with me? This Saturday,” Connor interrupted, staring at Evan intently. He watched as Evan’s gaze flicked back up to meet his.

“G-get coffee?” Evan asked, gulping. He twisted the hem of his shirt around his finger and looked at Connor questioningly.

“Yeah. Get coffee. As a date,” Connor said, awkwardly taking Evan’s hand. He knew what he was doing was cruel, but he felt himself falling into the lie and settling comfortably. He wasn't even confident Evan was gay, which he hoped the group would take as an excuse.

“Oh- uh… um… why not?” Evan said, shocked into silence and blushing madly. He gently intertwined his fingers with Connor's. Evan’s hand was slightly sweaty, but Connor tried to ignore that, cursing himself as Evan agreed to go.

Connor pulled out his phone and opened up his contacts. “What’s your number?” he asked, looking up at Evan, whose gaze immediately shifted downward.

“Um- m-my number? Oh gosh, um, my number… I- I… I just… here.” He let go of Connor’s hand and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He pulled up contacts and handed the phone to Connor. “Type your number in. I… I’ll text you.”

“Got it,” Connor said, typing in his number and name. He pressed ‘save’ and handed Evan his phone back. He sincerely hoped that after this whole coffee date fiasco was over, Evan would simply delete his number instead of spamming it or doing god knows what. “Now, I’ve got to get back to talking with some people, but I’ll catch up with you later.” He winked and walked off, leaving Evan standing there, watching him in shock. Everyone in the group but Jared and Alana laughed, and the boy who offered the dare gave Connor a high five. Connor felt guilt settle in his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments kind of make my day, just saying~


	4. I'm Just Pretending to Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of short, I've been really busy with summer homework. I go to a very preppy public school that has a ton of famous people as alumni, and so now they think they can assign us all too much summer homework in the hopes that we, too, can someday be fancy rich doctors who study calcium levels in infants

Evan sat at home, hyperventilating on his bed. He covered his face with his hands, and leaned over his knees. He rocked back and forth in place. Jared paced in front of him.

“And you said yes?” Jared said. “Why on Earth would you say yes?” He watched Evan, concern clear on his face.

“I don’t know!” Evan said, clearly exasperated and still working toward catching his breath. He looked up from his hands and watched Jared as he paced, trying to breath in when he got to one wall and out when he got to another. 

“Are you even gay?” Jared said, running his hands through his hair. Evan found Jared’s concern slightly touching- maybe he was worth more than car insurance.

“I don’t know,” he said softly. “I just… he just kind of held my hand. And I don’t know, I just… I mean, I want to go. I don’t know why. I’m so stupid, I’m so sorry.”

Jared looked at Evan, and couldn’t bear to break it to him. “Maybe you’re bi, or something. Just… you’ll figure it out.” He sat down beside Evan. “I don’t think I should’ve had so much to drink.”

Evan smiled slightly. “There are pros to not drinking at parties. Did you find the girl you were looking for?” he asked, nudging him with his shoulder. “I’m sure she was wooed by your drunkenness.”

“I wasn’t there for anyone, just for the alcohol,” Jared said, lying back on the bed. “We’re back in school, I need to be prepared.”

“Being hungover in class is going to make school more bearable?” Evan said skeptically. Jared yawned and propped his hands up behind his head. “You should go to bed.”

Jared was asleep by the time Evan turned to him for a response, and he sighed. He tried to gently maneuver him onto the pillow, but gave up as Jared started to squirm, and just covered him with a blanket.

After Connor had, well, asked him on a date, Evan had gone into panic mode. He had rushed to the door, and Jared had come after him and followed him to the car. Evan had gotten toilet paper that had been draped down from the door on his head, and the whole ride home Jared didn’t say a thing about it, just silently and almost imperceptibly removed it once they arrived at Evan’s house. Evan was grateful.

There were a lot of things going through Evan’s mind- his sexuality, mostly. He had liked Zoe so much, and he didn’t even feel anything close when he thought about Connor. He didn’t really feel anything at all. So why had he agreed to go, and what was the excitement he felt about going to coffee with him? Was he only excited to have a friend? He sat down on the bed and fumbled with the hem of his shirt, staring at the wall in the hope that maybe if he stared long enough, a face would form in the wall and give him all the answers he needed.

The front door shut loudly through the wall, and Evan got up, prepared to be berated by his mother’s questions as he left his room and walked to the living room. He went over the responses he would give in his head. Yes, I had fun. No, people weren’t drinking. No, I didn’t see any nice girls.

“Honey,” Heidi said happily, seeing Evan. “How was the party? Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, lots,” Evan lied. “Can Jared spend the night? He drove me home and accidentally fell asleep.”

“Were people drinking? Was Jared?” she asked worriedly. “But, um… yeah, he can stay. I’ll call his mom.”

“Thanks, mom. And no, people weren’t drinking,” he said, thinking to himself that there really were people on Earth not drinking, so it wasn’t really a lie.

“Okay, good,” she said, pulling her phone out and walking toward the kitchen. “Meet any nice girls? Any pretty girls?” Heidi smiled hopefully. 

“No, I didn’t. Maybe next time,” he said softly, turning toward his room. “I’m gonna head to bed, mom.”

She nodded and began dialing Jared’s mother’s phone number. “Goodnight, honey. I’m glad you had a fun night.”

“Me too,” Evan said softly, ducking back into his room. Jared was still fast asleep, his blankets pulled tightly around him and bunched up in his fists. Evan laid down beside him and watched his chest rise and fall. Jared had turned out to be a better friend than Evan imagined.

* * *

The next day in first period Connor watched Evan taking notes, trying to distract himself from his throbbing headache. His hangover wasn’t the worst he had ever had, but it was bad enough that he had briefly considered wearing sunglasses to school. He had taken maybe a few too many ibuprofen, and his head had begun to hurt in more of an over-medicated way rather than a hangover way.

Evan was hunched over his notebook, completely involved in what the teacher was saying- something about differentiation formulas. Connor watched the way Evan wrote, the way his back arched and the way he held his pencil. The more he watched Evan, the worse he felt about asking him to go on a date under false pretenses. What right did he have to do something like that?

The bell rung, and Connor stood, making his way to Evan. Students filed out of the room while Evan still shakily packed his bag. Connor cleared his throat, and Evan looked at him, beginning to blush furiously. Connor racked his brain for something to say.

“H-hey, Connor,” Evan said, glancing down at his backpack and beginning to fidget with the zipper of his jacket.

“Hey, Evan,” Connor said, unsure of where he was going with this. His headache intensified. “So, about last night…”

Evan looked up at him hopefully. “Um… yeah?” he said, zipping up his backpack and slipping it over his shoulders. Connor bit his lip.

“I’ll pick you up at ten, on Saturday,” Connor said, mentally kicking himself. “For coffee. Is that alright?”

Evan smiled brightly, and Connor felt himself smiling just a bit in return. “Got it,” Evan said. “I-I’ll be ready. I’ll… um… text you my address.”

Connor, who was trying to figure out how exactly he’d gotten himself into such a mess, tried to plaster on a more authentic smile. “Looking forward to it.” He mentally kicked himself. “Anyway, I’ve got to get to some shitty class, but… I’ll talk to you later?” He kicked himself again.

Evan nodded, and smiled down at the ground. “Yeah, I- sorry, I forgot to text you last night, my friend passed out and- sorry, you don’t care. I’ll text you,” he said, leaning back on his heels nervously.

“The apology is implied, remember?” Connor said, trying to reassure him. “And I do care, I… hope your friend was okay.”

“He was. He was just drunk,” Evan said. “I-I need to get to, um, English, so I’ve got to go. Um… bye. Thank you.” He smiled and shuffled out of the room quickly, blushing furiously.

Connor watched him go for a moment before walking to catch up with him. “Evan,” he called, walking up next to him. 

Evan looked at him warily, his “Yeah?” he said, looking up at him.

“How have you been?” he asked softly, concern for Evan merging with the awful things he’d already done.

“H-how have I been? I-I’ve been okay,” Evan said, stopping and pointing at a classroom. “I have to go. Sorry.” He rushed off even quicker than he had the first time, and left Connor standing in the hallway as regretful as ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was slow, next chapter will be about meeting at the coffee shop, so that should be an easier read. Comments make my day, I love to know if you guys are enjoying the story!


	5. If You Like Me For Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who leaves comments! I'm awkward and I don't know how to respond to most of them, but I appreciate every single one of them. Some of the ones that mean the most to me, I don't even know how to respond to, so thank you to everyone!
> 
> This chapter was me resisting adding in way too much fluff. Enjoy

The rest of the week seemed to crawl by for Evan. He made sure to never be left alone with Connor, since he didn’t exactly want to ruin this thing they had going. He was sure that if he ever had to talk with Connor, he’d say something stupid and mess the whole thing up. He saw Connor try to approach him after class almost daily, but he would just hurry away to his next class. Evan, honestly, was too afraid to even text Connor his address until Friday night. He stared at his phone with shaky hands for a half hour before he mustered out the courage to type up a message. By the time he sent the text, the screen was smudged with sweat.

To: Connor - 10:53  
Hi, this is Evan! My address is 4600 Muchmore Road. 

From: Connor - 10: 57  
got it. ill see you at ten?

To: Connor - 10:57  
Yeah. Thank you for asking me to go.

From: Connor - 10:58  
yeah, of course

To: Connor - 10:58  
Well, goodnight

From: Connor - 10:59  
goodnight

Connor laid down on his bed, sighing. He had been trying to talk to Evan all week, and he figured that since Evan wouldn’t talk to him, he was off the hook. He didn’t have to go on a date with him and then tell him, “Oh, yeah, I know we met when you tried to commit suicide, but guess what? This was all a joke. I don’t like you at all. Please don’t throw yourself off a bridge or something because you just ended up being the butt of someone’s joke.”

God, he had really gotten himself into a wonderful situation. He would just have to go, sit down for coffee, and just let the whole thing fizzle out by never talking to him and never bringing it up again. Then Evan would get the idea, without the actual rejection.

He never should've gone to that party.

* * *

Evan’s alarm went off at 7:30 on the dot. He sat up straight, the loud buzzing sending adrenaline through his veins. He turned the alarm off and stood, heart still racing. He began getting dressed, going over everything to remember. Be nice. Have cash ready to pay with at the register. Know your order by heart before you talk to the cashier. Be interesting. Be funny. But, you know, the most important thing is to be yourself. Just. Be yourself. 

By 9:30, Evan had showered (where, as he fiddled with the cap of a shampoo bottle, he had fallen and almost hit his head), gotten dressed (where he had shut his fingers in a drawer, since he’d zoned out), and made coffee (which he spilled on himself, sending him back to his bedroom to change- and gosh, wasn’t he heading to get coffee anyway?). The whole morning was a rather strenuous affair.

At exactly 10, there was a knock on the door. Evan had positioned himself far enough from the door that he wouldn’t be too slow answering as to make Connor wait, but not too quick so that he seemed desperate. He had sat there for ten minutes waiting for him. His heart fluttered when he checked the time and saw that he arrived exactly on time. He walked to the door and opened it, smiling at Connor, who smiled in return.

“Hey,” Evan said. He had to put effort into not staring. How had he not noticed how pretty Connor’s eyes were? How had he not noticed how beautiful his smile was?

“Hey. Ready to go?” Connor asked, stepping out of the way so that Evan could step onto the porch.

“Y-yeah,” Evan said, closing the door carefully behind himself. He looked up at Connor. 

“Well, then let’s go,” Connor said, smiling and leading Evan to his car, which looked more expensive than anything Evan had ever owned. He opened the passenger door for him, sweeping his arm out like a game show host showing a contestant his prize. Evan certainly felt as lucky as those people he saw on TV.

“Thank you,” Evan said softly, sitting down and being extra careful to not touch anything other than the seat and to not step on anything. He placed his hands in his lap and glanced out the window at his home.

Connor climbed into his seat and started the car. “How have you been la- shit, I didn’t mean it like that. How’s your day been?” he asked, running his hands through his hair. He began driving right at the speed limit, which made Evan slightly nervous.

“I, um, I haven’t been up for very long,” Evan said. “I just got up at like 9, but so far it’s been, uh, p-pretty good. What about you?”

“I woke up like a half an hour ago,” Connor said, smiling. “But it’s nice to see you.”

Evan blushed and smiled, looking down at his lap. “I-it’s, um, nice to see you too.”

Connor smiled. “We’re going to this coffee shop in town. It’s pretty nice, they make good coffee. If you come late at night every other Saturday, an old friend of mine named Nick will be working there. He’ll give you a different kind of shot in your drink, and that’s an experience.” He laughed, and Evan found himself laughing along nervously.

“I don’t, um, drink, but if I ever start, I’ll make sure to see Nick about it,” Evan said, smiling.

“Good,” Connor said, smiling. “But don’t worry, during the day you’ll just get coffee.”

“My mom would kill me,” Evan said. “Drinking is a big no.”

“Not to be a bad influence, but some of the most fun things to do are the ones your parents don’t exactly advise you to do,” Connor said, glancing over at him with a smile.

“I mean- um, like what?” Evan said, biting his lip and catching Connor’s eye when he glanced over.

Connor cast him a wicked grin, and Evan blushed. “Only a couple more minutes and we’ll be there.”

The rest of the ride passed in relative quiet. Evan sat nervously for a long time, wringing his hands instead of his shirt in order to keep it looking alright. He didn’t want to not be able to hold conversation, but there was something comfortable about sitting silently with Connor’s heavy metal playing quietly in the background. He watched Connor nod his head to the beat of the song.

When Connor pulled up next the sidewalk, Evan hopped out of the car. The coffee shop in front of him was a small brick building with a sign dangling perpendicular to the facade that read ‘The Grind’. Connor walked to the door and opened it for Evan, who was rather impressed with how polite Connor had been to him. All he had known of Connor was the printer incident and the way he pushed everyone around and the time he had shoved him against a locker in seventh grade, but this was… kind.

“Thank you,” Evan said softly, going in and trying to settle his hands, since wringing them was making them sweaty.

Connor nodded. “What do you think you’ll get?” he asked, looking up at the menu. “I try to get something different every time, so I’ll just get whatever you get.”

“Oh, well, um… I think I’ll just get a cappuccino,” Evan said, glancing over the menu. “Is that alright?”

“Isn’t that the same as a latte?” Connor asked, glancing down at him.

“No, because, um, see, a cappuccino has steamed milk, a latte doesn’t,” Evan said. “I like it better, sorry. It’s totally cool if-”

“The apology is implied and unnecessary,” Connor said. He walked up to the counter. “Two cappuccinos for here, please.” He pulled out a ten dollar bill, and handed it to the cashier. Evan was beyond grateful for being saved from ordering and from having to find proper change.

“Oh, Connor, I can-”

“Shhh,” Connor said. There was an odd expression on his face, like he was sad for a moment. It was gone when Connor turned to him. “I asked you here.” He smiled and took Evan’s hand, squeezing it gently. He led Evan to a booth in a quiet corner, sitting down across from him.

* * *  
Connor found Evan more and more fascinating as he listened to him. If he asked Evan a question and let him ramble on past nervousness, he got a lot more interesting information than he would’ve had Evan stuck to the question asked. What did he do over the summer? He worked at Ellison State Park, but also the rough endoplasmic reticulum is way more interesting than the smooth endoplasmic reticulum. What did he think of his classes? His botany teacher was rather boring, but it kind of sucked that Germany was forced to take the blame for the entirety of World War One when they weren’t even the ones who started it.

The more Evan talked, the more time Connor had to just watch him. When Evan talked about things that he was interested in, his eyes lit up. They were a beautiful blue. Connor found that he had more than enough time to stare at them.

“...and so like, don’t you think that it’s a testament to their stupidity that Ram and Kurt tip over a cow? I mean, that comes from the urban legend that a cow can’t stand once lying down, which is totally false, since cows lie down all the time,” Evan said, “Sorry, you probably don’t care.”

“No, I do,” Connor assured him, though he hadn’t really been paying attention to what Evan was saying at all, but rather to the way he smiled when he talked excitedly.

Evan wiped his hand on his jeans and ran his it through his hair before placing it down on the table, palm up. Connor took his hand and held it tightly.

“We should do this again,” Connor said quickly. “I’ve had a really good time today.”

Evan smiled brightly and blushed. “Uh, really? Th-that’s not a joke or something?” he said. “Sorry, that sounded like I want attention or something. Yeah, that would be really nice.”

At the mention of it being a joke, Connor felt his smile falter, and began to rub Evan’s knuckles gently with his thumb. “Good. I’ll text you about it, okay?” he said. “Also, you’re right. Cappuccinos are pretty good.”

Evan smiled. “I told you so. And sorry, but I should be getting home. Not that I want to go, sorry, I just told my mom that I’d meet her for a late lunch. She has a break and she wants to go over topics for scholarship essays,” he said. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Connor said, standing. Evan stood with him, and Connor led him to the door, not letting go of his hand until they reached the car.

The car ride home was filled with in depth explanations of every song that Connor had on his playlist, including information that, had the music not been so hard core, Connor was sure would have been very nerdy. Almost as nerdy as Evan’s talks about organelles.

When they reached Evan’s house, Evan unbuckled his seatbelt and smiled at Connor happily. He bit his lip and then ducked over the console and kissed Connor’s cheek, blushing brightly. Instant regret was clear on his face. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for and-”

Connor leaned in and gently placed a kiss just up and to the right of Evan’s lips. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into him, but Evan smiled like Connor wasn’t sure he’d ever seen him smile, so he marked it off as a good thing.

“Thank you,” Evan said, smiling and opening the car door, stumbling out and grinning goofily. He waved at Connor and practically ran into his house.

Connor wasn’t so sure that he had gotten himself into something entirely terrible. He drove away, distracted by the tingling feeling on his cheek where Evan had kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments honestly inspire me to write, and are much appreciated! Also, comment your favorite fruit and your favorite color, just for fun


	6. So You Got What You Always Wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is sucky, I had 0 motivation. I'll update later today with a longer chapter, I get a motivation kick at like 7/8, so hey look out for a chapter tonight
> 
> Thanks so much for all your comments! They mean the world to me.

Evan had walked in the door after his date with Connor and nearly thrown up from how nervous he’d been. After he got over the nausea, however, he had collapsed onto the couch and laughed until his cheeks hurt. He knew that he probably looked crazy, but that wasn’t, like, that big of a deal. Not when Connor had almost kissed him. Connor, who Jared always swore was going to shoot up the school, had almost kissed him. 

There was a soft voice in the back of his head that made him question Connor’s motives- could he possibly be enough for someone like that? And really, what did Connor see in him, anyway? Would they even look good together? What if Connor just hadn't realized how much of a freak he actually was? When would everything fall apart?

His mother walked in a moment later, and he sat up quickly. “Hey, did you go somewhere this morning?” she asked, coming in with two bags of groceries. “Your car wasn’t in the garage this morning, and now it is.”

Shit. “Oh, um, my friend and I got coffee,” he said, cringing at how that sounded.

“Ooh, a girlfriend?” she asked, smiling. She walked to the kitchen and began unloading groceries, but kept her head in the archway so she could listen to Evan.

“No, not a girlfriend,” Evan said, trying not to lie. He pressed his hands down into the couch.

“A more than friend?” Heidi asked. “You know, Evan, if there’s anything you want to-”

“I’m not gay, mom,” Evan said frustratedly, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

“I was just asking if you were seeing a girl and not calling her a girlfriend yet, but alright, honey,” she said, beginning to boil some water. “Ready to start working on the essay prompts?”

Oh. Great. Evan was pretty sure “I’m not gay” and “I am gay” meant the same thing in that context. 

“Yeah, I looked up a couple and I was kind of hoping you'd read over them…”

* * *

Monday morning was not a good morning for Connor Murphy. Zoe had spilled coffee on him, his car had broken down in the middle of the school parking lot, and a girl had dropped all of her books onto his feet. He had been looking forward to seeing Evan, but sadly, Jared was standing with him at his locker. Connor walked up behind Evan and took his hand gently, which took an enormous amount of effort with how close he was to blowing up.

“What do you think you’re doing here?” Jared snapped. “Come to warn us that today’s the day you finally shoot up the school?” 

“Be nice, Jared,” Evan said, looking up at Connor and blushing. “Hi.” Connor smiled at Evan’s gaze and looked down, trying not to blush.

“He’s not your boyfriend or something, is he, Evan?” Jared asked, glaring at Connor like he wanted him dead.

“I don’t know, Hansen, what do you say?” Connor said. Jared was not helping his mood.

“Um, what?” Evan asked, holding Connor’s hand a bit tighter. Connor could feel his hand start to sweat. 

“You’re right, we can just figure that out on our next date, right?” Connor said, glaring at Jared, who held his gaze. “How about tonight, Hansen? I’ll pick you up at 6.”

“Jared and I were going to-”

“No. Go, Evan. Since he’s so good for you,” Jared said. “You’re fucked up, Connor.” He cast one more nasty glare at Connor before storming away.

“Fuck you!” Connor called after him.

“Uh, should I ask what that was?” Evan asked, turning to Connor hesitantly.

“No,” Connor said. “It’s fine.” He plastered on a smile and tucked his hair behind his ear. “Nothing to worry about.”

Evan nodded slowly. “Anyway, I- um… I had a really good time Saturday,” he said, squeezing Connor’s hand gently. “I meant to text you, but I didn't know what to say, and oh, shoot, my hand is sweaty, sorry.” He tried to take his hand back, but Conor held it tightly. Evan struggled for a few moments before letting their hands fall back down.

“It’s okay,” Connor said. “I had a good time, too. Do you want to get to class? I can probably get the girl next to me to switch seats with you.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Evan said, fiddling with the hem of his shirt and beginning to walk toward first period with Connor.

Connor shrugged. “I don't mind,” he said. “She talks too much for me to sleep.”

“You sleep in class?” Evan asked, sounding affronted.

“It's fucking first period. Scientists say we shouldn't be awake yet,” Connor said. He paused. “I'm forgetting something.” His eyes lit up and he stopped walking. He let go of Evan’s hand and began digging through his backpack, before pulling out a sharpie and grinning. “Got it.”

“What’s that for?” Evan asked. Connor took his arm a little too roughly, and Evan winced. 

“Shit, sorry,” Connor mumbled, uncapping the sharpie and writing ‘Connor’ in large letters across the cast. “There.”

Evan smiled. “Thank you. My mom will be happy,” he said.

“Why?” Connor asked, slipping the marker back into his backpack and taking Evan’s hand.

“Because she knows I don't have friends and she was hoping someone would sign my cast,” Evan said. “As a, um, way to make friends or something.”

“Yeah, tell her all about me,” Connor said, waggling his eyebrows and leaning in close to Evan, who began to look everywhere but into Connor’s eyes, his gaze shifting nervously.

“I- um… I- Connor,” he said, glancing up at Connor anxiously.

Connor smiled and leaned back. “I'm kidding. Ready to get to class?”

“Um, uh, yeah,” Evan said, nodding. “Ready.”

“Cool.”

* * *

After school, Connor went home and tried to clean up. He put on a pair of black jeans that didn't have rips at the knees (a major step toward put-togetherness) and a black jacket that was well worn and faded, but a more attractive cut than a hoodie. Why had he asked Evan to do something tonight? He didn't know what he was doing, he had no idea where they'd go, he'd just been angry, he'd been angry and nervous that Jared would say something and fuck, he couldn't take it back, could he? His phone buzzed and Connor looked over.

From: Evan - 4:32  
What should I wear?

To: Evan - 4:33  
whatever feels comfortable

An idea popped into Connor’s head. 

To: Evan - 4:33  
we arent going anywhere fancy

From: Evan - 4:34  
Got it. See you in a bit

Connor grinned and pulled out his black nail polish, scraping away the old layer with his nail before setting to repainting them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment your favorite song from Dear Evan Hansen and your favorite musical (besides Dear Evan Hansen). My favorite song is So Big/So Small and my favorite musical is always changing, but currently I'm really into Heathers and Daddy Long Legs. Thanks for reading! Don't forget to watch for a chapter later today!


	7. There's Nothing Like Your Smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this! Sorry for such a short update earlier, I hope this makes up for it!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter, they all make me super happy and I kind of just squeal whenever I get a really nice one, so thank you!

Connor pulled into Evan’s driveway and took a deep breath. Was a boy like Evan really making him nervous? Evan was a nerd, a nobody like him. He didn’t need to worry…

Connor walked up to the door and stared at it. Evan’s house was small and very lived-in. Paint chipped on the door and the flower beds had more weeds than flowers, but it looked friendly and inviting. Connor lifted his fist and knocked on the door. The knob turned and the door opened to reveal a rather disheveled, but smiling, Evan.

“Hey,” he said breathlessly. He stepped out onto the porch.

“Hey,” Connor said. “Are you alright? You seem kind of… winded.”

“Minor incident, not a problem anymore,” Evan said. “Don’t worry about it. I’m glad to see you.”

“I’m glad to see you too,” Connor said, taking Evan’s clammy, uninjured hand. “Today we are going somewhere very special.” Connor began to walk to the car, Evan following along.

“Special how?” Evan asked, swinging his and Connor’s hands as they walked. Connor opened his door for him, and Evan climbed in. Connor got in on the other side.

“Used to go there a lot when I was a kid,” Connor said. “By the way, the only food we will be eating tonight will be very fucking unhealthy, so if you want to go back and grab carrot sticks, now is the time.”

“I’m alright. I usually just eat cereal anyway,” Evan said, pulling at the hem of his shirt. “Sorry, that’s really weird, you didn’t want to know that.”

“That’s like, one of the saddest fucking things I’ve heard you say,” Connor said. “Why would you eat cereal for dinner?”

“Y-you know, just… because Mom isn’t home, and ordering is complicated and stuff,” Evan mumbled, rubbing his thumb gently over Connor’s nails, feeling how smooth they were. “How often do you paint your nails?”

“Whenever I remember to,” Connor said. “I wouldn’t rub too hard, I just painted them.” Evan quit and began running his fingers along the edge of his cast. “You know, tonight might be a good dinner night for you, if you usually eat cereal.”

“Eating cake would be healthier, at this point,” Evan said, laughing softly. Connor loved his laugh, it was warm and quiet and endearing. 

“I’m glad you think that. Keep that attitude going into this,” Connor said, smiling.

The road began to wind as they drove into a line of trees. The sun had just begun lowering into the sky, and bathed the forest in golden sunlight. The road was dappled with sun, and above them, leaves glowed with light.

“It’s a nice afternoon,” Connor said, rolling down the windows in the car slightly.

“Youhaveareallyniceface,” Evan said, looking down at his lap. “Shoot, that’s not what- that was creepy, that was weird- why are you laughing?”

Connor gripped the wheel tightly and laughed, his eyes watering. After a long moment, he was able to compose himself. He squeezed Evan’s hand. “You have a nice face, as well.”

Evan blushed. “That’s very high up on the list of weird things I’ve said,” he mumbled, covering his face with his hands.

Connor pulled into the parking lot of a a small ice cream bar with the name 'A La Mode' spelled out in neon lights, and turned off the car. He turned too Evan with a smile and took his wrists gently, pulling his hands from his face. “Look at me, if I have a nice face you should want to look at me,” Connor teased, smiling.

“I am so embarrassed,” Evan said, his face flushed. 

“Don’t be,” Connor said, kissing his cheek and hopping out of the car. He went around to open Evan’s door, and Evan accidentally smacked him with it. Connor fell back onto the gravel, and Evan began to panic.

“Oh god, are you okay?” Evan said, kneeling down on the ground next to Connor, who looked slightly dazed, but had a slight smile on his face. 

“I’m fine, Evan. But shit, you know your front door would’ve hurt more, right? If you’re looking to give me a concussion, I think that would’ve been the way to go,” Connor teased, laughing.

“I’m so sorry,” Evan said, cupping his face in his hands and looking into his eyes. “Are you seeing double? Do you have a headache? Sorry, that’s stupid, your head probably hurts because I just hit you in the head with a car door. I am the worst.”

“You aren’t the worst at hitting people with doors,” Connor said, and Evan looked even more distraught. “No, no. Please don’t be sad, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m fine. My head doesn’t even hurt that badly, please don’t look sad.”

“I just hit you in the head with a door,” Evan said. “Oh my god.” He sat down next to Connor and took his first look around. “This is cute.” He remained looking upset.

“Would some ice cream make you feel better?” Connor asked, not wanting Evan to be miserable on their night out. His head ached dully, but not enough to bother Evan with it.

“Maybe,” Evan said. He stood and held his hand out to Connor, who took his hand, stood, and didn’t let go. Connor took him to the open window of the ice cream bar. 

“What do you want? Do you want to eat before ice cream? Or just ice cream, no judgement from me,” Connor said. 

“I’ll eat first,” Evan said. “If that’s what you’re doing.”

“It is. I’m just getting a cheeseburger, is that what you’ll get?” Connor asked. “The hotdogs kind of suck.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just order me whatever you’re having.” Evan wrung his hands for a moment and then pointed back to the car. “I’ll go grab my wallet.”

“Nope- I’m paying. I asked you here, so I’m paying,” Connor said, holding Evan’s hand tightly so that he couldn’t leave. He walked up to the counter and smiled at the girl behind it. “Two cheeseburgers and one large order of fries. Also, two slushies. Cherry, please.”

“Ice cream and slushies?” Evan chided quietly, with a grin.

“Yes, Evan. Have a problem with that?” Connor asked, letting go of his hand and wrapping an arm around his waist instead. Evan tensed for a moment before relaxing into his touch.

“None,” he said.

“That’ll be $11.49,” the cashier said. Connor nodded and pulled out his wallet, giving the girl exact change. “Thank you, your food will be in that window in just a minute.” She motioned to a second window on the building.

Connor led Evan over to a picnic table and sat down on a bench. Evan sat up on the table. “Thank you, Connor.”

“Of course, Evan,” he said, happy for a moment before his smile faltered. “Evan, I have something to tell you…”

Evan looked at Connor worriedly. “What is it? Oh god, you don’t like me, do you? You’re just being nice, aren’t you? You just wanted to break it to me nicely and-”

“Fucking hell, Hansen, no… I just…” Connor said, interrupting him. How could he break it to him now? Evan would never believe that Connor actually liked him. He plastered on a smile. “Just that I would really, really like it if you’d be, if we could be, a thing. I was wondering if you’d like to be my boyfriend. I know it’s early-” and he had just thought of it- “but I really like you, and… I sound like I just popped out of a cheesy high school movie.” Connor shrugged off his jacket and looked away from Evan, trying not to appear self conscious. He needed to act tougher and-

All of a sudden, Evan was hugging him. Connor hugged back awkwardly. Evan’s shoulder was pressed against his face because of where he was sitting. Was Evan okay?

“Yeah, yeah, I would,” Evan said, pulling back slowly and smiling at Connor. “Thank you for asking. Sorry if I’m being weird.”

“You aren’t being weird,” Connor said, giving him a slight smile and standing up. He walked to get the food as it was slid across the counter. What had he just done? He picked up the food, and smiled as he began walking back toward Evan.

“Hungry?” Connor asked.

“Starving.”

* * *

The rest of dinner had gone exceedingly well, in Evan’s opinion. He was overwhelmingly happy about being able to call himself Connor’s boyfriend, and maybe even happier to eat something that hadn’t come from the freezer or a cereal box for dinner. Connor made him laugh, and he made Connor laugh, which was something new. He usually didn’t make anyone but his mother laugh. Connor held his hand and looked at him like he was worth the world. Connor also threw a french fry at Evan every time he had apologized, and Evan had gotten pretty good at catching them in his mouth.

The sun was setting, the sky had shifted to shades of lavender, and the clouds had brightened to a fluorescent pink. It was beginning to get dark, and it was harder and harder for Evan to see Connor’s eyes in the dimming light.

“Want to get ice cream to go?” Connor asked, a relaxed smile spread across his face.

“Yeah,” Evan said. “I haven’t started my homework yet, anyway, so I should be getting home.”

“I haven’t started homework yet, either, but I kind of don’t fucking plan to,” Connor said, smiling teasingly at Evan.

“I could help you with-”

“Oh, look, better order ice cream,” Connor said. “What’ll it be?”

Evan sighed. “Chocolate, please.”

“One scoop of chocolate and one scoop of vanilla,” Connor said, smiling. He slid the cashier a five dollar bill. She gave him change, and Connor began putting it away as he turned to Evan.

“You ordered vanilla? That’s so boring,” Evan said. “I didn’t know you were so typical.” He grinned.

“I can’t take on the job of pain in the ass edgy teenager all the time, now, can I?” Connor asked, smiling and taking the ice creams from the counter. “Thank you,” he said to the lady who’d scooped them. He handed the chocolate to Evan.

“No, I suppose that would get rather tiring.” Evan smiled and awkwardly ate, struggling to use the spoon with his injured arm. He began walking toward the car.

“It does. Oh, woe is me,” Connor said dramatically. He opened Evan’s car door and walked around to get in on the drivers side.

Evan laughed. “That’s what most people think you sound like,” Evan said, smiling. “They just don’t know better.”

Connor smiled. “Or maybe I’m taking you away to murder you,” he said, waggling his eyebrows. “You never know.”

“I don’t think so,” Evan said, eating his ice cream carefully. “You like me too much. Wait, sorry, is that assuming? I’m sorry, I-”

“No, you’re completely right,” Connor said, trying to eat with his ice cream balanced in his lap. “I adore you.” He glanced over at Evan and smiled. “You’ve been nicer to me than anyone ever has. You haven’t even brought up the second grade printer incident yet. Thank you.”

“Connor, you’ve been so nice to me. You’ve taken me out for coffee and taken me to eat and you don’t get mad when I apologize too much,” Evan said. “No one but Jared has ever been nice to me, and he only uses me for car insurance.”

“Jared doesn’t only use you for car insurance. He cares about you,” Connor said.

“How would you know? You don’t even like him,” Evan said, finishing up his ice cream.

“We just… kind of know each other. Kind of. It’s not important,” Connor said.

“If you say so,” Evan said. “Do you need help with your ice cream? I can hold it for you,” Evan offered.

“That would be fantastic,” Connor said, handing the ice cream carefully to Evan, who held it up for him with a smile as Connor ate. They sat silently for a moment before Connor turned on the radio, and heavy metal began playing softly.

“Why do you listen to that so quietly?” Evan asked as they left the trees behind, the road straightening as they entered a neighborhood.

“Why would I listen to it loudly?” Connor asked. “I only play it loudly when I’m angry.”

“Oh,” Evan said. Connor finished his ice cream, and Evan stacked their bowls, setting the spoons in the top one.

“Thank you,” Connor said. He glanced up and down the street for Evan’s house. The sky had gone dark, and the first stars appeared in the sky. “This one, right? Sorry, it’s dark.” Connor pointed at Evan’s house.

“Yeah,” Evan said.

Connor pulled into Evan’s driveway. The living room light was on, and the house glowed softly. Evan and Connor got out of the car. Connor took Evan’s hand once he reached him, and walked him up to the porch.

“Thank you for tonight,” Evan said softly. “Text me when you get home, I want to know that you got home alright. I’m sorry if that’s needy.”

“It’s not, don’t worry.”

The night was still, and Evan looked into Connor’s eyes. Connor came closer and closer, slowly, but surely. Evan could feel his breath on his cheek, and his lips were so close, he could practically feel them. Connor’s chest touched Evan’s and Evan felt his arms wind around Connor, and Evan was smiling, and then-

The porch light flicked on, and Evan jumped back. Connor didn’t look like he’d registered that Evan had left his arms, and he slowly came to. When he returned to his normal state of mind, he blushed.

“I’ll text you when I get home,” Connor said. He leaned in and kissed Evan’s forehead. “Goodbye.” He smiled widely and began walking back to his car. Evan watched him go, breathless. He caught his breath over the next couple minutes and walked back inside. His mother was sitting on the couch.

“Oh, hey, Evan. Were you at Jared’s? I was able to come home early,” she said, smiling.

“Yeah, I was at Jared’s. We were working on a project,” Evan said. “I think I’m going to head to bed, mom.”

“Alright, honey. Goodnight, I hope you had a good day,” she said, smiling.

“Goodnight,” Evan said, walking to his room. Before he entered, he turned back to his mother. “Mom?”

“Yeah, honey?” she asked, sipping coffee from a bright blue mug.

“Today was a really, really good day.”

His phone buzzed in his pocket.

From: Connor - 9:04  
we should pick up what we were almost doing on the porch later 

"I really had a very, very good day."

* * *

That night, Connor tossed and turned. He was growing closer and closer to Evan, but how long could he keep his secret from him? How long before he found out? He fell asleep with an unsettled mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment your pick for Best Musical this year at the Tony's! I know most of you will pick Dear Evan Hansen, but I'm curious to see if there are any Great Comet fans out there


	8. If I Could Tell Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Thanks to everyone who left a comment on the last chapter!

Connor had been trying very hard to stay away from drugs since he started hanging out with Evan a week ago, but his father had yelled at him over something stupid that he couldn't even remember anymore, and he had resorted to pot. He walked down the stairs to get to the garage, a smile on his face.

“I don't want you going to school high, Connor,” his mother said, watching him from the kitchen, where she was brewing coffee.

“I'm not high,” Connor lied. “I don't know why you guys always say that, I'm not even high half the time. How would you know?”

“You're smiling,” Cynthia said. “And you don't look… present.”

Connor rolled his eyes. “Well, fuck. You've got it all figured out, haven't you? Good job. You're such a fucking wonderful parent. I'm going to school, now. Unless you'd like me to stay here.”

“You never leave for school this early,” Cynthia said, trying to act like her son’s comments didn't hurt as much as they actually did. “Where are you going?”

“To go meet up with my dealer. I'm going… I need to meet up with someone and- god, mom, just leave me alone,” Connor said, his attitude shifting to fury in a matter of seconds. “You don't fucking care about what I do as long as I don't end up in jail, so fuck off.”

“You can't speak to me that way,” Cynthia said, pointing a finger at him angrily.

“Why not?” Connor asked, walking to the garage door and slamming it closed behind himself before she could answer.

* * *

Jared stood at Evan’s locker as he unpacked tree books from his backpack.

“Are those really necessary, Evan?” he asked, watching as Evan lined them up on his locker shelf.

“Reading material,” Evan said, smiling. “Very important.”

“You don’t even read them half the time. You just look at the pictures and then look over at me and go, ‘Isn’t this one pretty?’” Jared said, raising his voice to mock Evan’s.

“That’s because trees are pretty,” Evan said defensively. “Isn’t it so cool how they photosynthesize light? Like, they take light and pass it through the electron transport chain and-”

“Nerd,” Jared whispered, smiling. “Major nerd.”

“You’re just jealous because you got a D in biology sophomore year,” Evan said, smiling.

“That fucking ruined my GPA!” Jared complained. “I don’t want to be stuck in community college because of biology.”

“You won’t end up in community college. What did that do? Lower your weighted GPA to a 4.7?” Evan teased with a grin.

“Your unweighted is a 4, so get off my ass,” Jared said. “Speaking of asses, here comes your boyfriend.”

“I told you to keep that qui- hi, Connor,” Evan said. As Connor approached him, he could smell the weed on him. He looked like he was going to pass out as slumped against the lockers. Evan closed his locker and glanced at him. “Connor, are you…?

“High? Yeah, probably,” Connor said. “Does Jared ever leave? Does he have other friends?” 

“That’s a lot coming from someone as popular as you,” Jared said bitterly. “And are you just going to show up here every morning from now on? Because if so, I hope this means that you’ll let me live when you finally shoot up the school.”

“I think I’ll just skip shooting up the school and go straight to your house,” Connor said.

“Woah, um, guys,” Evan said, stepping between them. “Chill.”

“I don’t think Connor could get more chill than now. I mean, I think if he smoked any more weed he’d die,” Jared said.

“At least I won’t die a fucking piece of shit who’s single and has no friends,” Connor said. “Wow, that was bad. I-I’m gonna go sit in the bathroom.” He stumbled off toward the bathroom, with Evan looking after him, clearly embarrassed.

“What. An. Ass,” Jared said. “You could do so much better.”

“Jared, I have one friend. You. How could I possibly do any better?” he asked. “And besides, I don’t want to do any better. I told you all about last night. He’s nice to me, Jared.”

“Oh yeah, he looked really attractive just then,” Jared said. “Come on, we should get to class.”

“Alright,” Evan said. Jared began walking with him toward his calculus class. “Do you think he’ll be alright?”

“I hope not.”

* * *

Evan was doodling on the edges of his calculus notes for most of class. He didn’t know why he’d taken the class, since it wasn’t required, but now he was stuck, learning about terrifying looking equations that made his head hurt. The teacher rambled on and he listened, taking down very unimpressive notes. Fifteen minutes into class, his phone buzzed.

From: Connor - 7:46  
hows calc

To: Connor - 7:46  
Confusing and boring.

From: Connor - 7:47  
i can teach u later, come here

To: Connor - 7:49  
I'm in class, Connor.

From: Connor - 7:49  
say ur going to the nurse

To: Connor - 7:52  
That's lying.

From: Connor - 7:52  
fine, come over after school. since ur clearly not learning calc

To: Connor - 7:55  
To your house?

From: Connor - 7:55  
no, to my fucking garbage can

To: Connor - 7:58  
Would that be at the end of your driveway?

From: Connor - 7:59  
very funny, hansen

To: Connor - 8:03  
Sorry. Are you sure you won't be annoyed by spending too much time with me?

From: Connor - 8:03  
only evan fucking hansen would ask if he was overstaying his welcome after being invited over

To: Connor - 8:05  
Sorry

From: Connor - 8:05  
its cute, dont worry

From: Connor - 8:05  
that sounded weird as hell, forget i said that

To: Connor - 8:10  
No

 

* * *

After school, Evan took his time exchanging his books with those in his locker. One tree book for another, one textbook for another. He thought a lot about Connor. His mother had requested he be home by 4 since she had an hour between class and work, and that left him and Connor with very little time. Evan really wanted to figure out what being Connor’s boyfriend meant. He wanted to know what the implications were. He wanted to… talk.

Evan closed his locker, and Connor was standing there, picking at his nail polish. He looked much better than he had in the morning. His eyes didn't look quite so red, and his hands didn't look so shaky. Connor looked like himself.

“You are so fucking slow,” Connor said, glancing up and letting his hands fall to his side.

“What are you doing here? How long have you been standing there?” Evan asked quickly. 

“Two minutes? And I figured that you could follow me home in your car. I parked out front, did you?”

“Yeah, yeah. I'll-I’ll follow you,” Evan said.

Connor took his hand, leading him out to the parking lot. He asked Evan how his day had gone, and Evan’s face had lit up- he couldn't remember the last time that someone other than his mother had asked him that. Connor had taken him to his car and given him a CD before letting him walk to his own car. Evan had turned on the CD and followed behind Connor. The CD was filled with heavy metal music Evan never would have considered listening to on his own, but he listened to it quietly (at Connor’s request) and adored it.

Arriving at Connor’s house was an experience- it was huge. The yard was nicely trimmed and in front of the porch was a beautiful garden, well-manicured and colorful. Connor got out of his car and went to the door, struggling with the lock. Evan got out of his car in awe and looked around.

“Your house is amazing,” Evan said, smiling and following Connor onto the porch.

“Amazingly shitty,” Connor mumbled, unlocking the door with a successful look on his face. He opened the door and Evan walked in, looking all around him.

“It's so big.”

“Well, how can we fit all of our bullshit into a tiny house?”

“Don't say that, Connor,” Evan said, standing in the middle of the spacious opening.

“Let's just go upstairs,” Connor said, taking Evan’s hand and leading him upstairs. Evan had to be dragged as he tried to look at everything. Connor pulled him into his room and closed the door behind him. “Zoe gets home from jazz band at 5.”

“I have to be home at 4,” Evan said. “Sorry, my mom isn't usually home, and…”

“That's alright,” Connor said, throwing himself onto his bed. Evan took a moment to look around the room. The walls were painted light blue and bookshelves covered an entire wall. They were filled with magazines and comic books and novels and CDs, and Evan couldn't help being drawn to it. He walked over and ran his fingers over the spines of the books, plucking out a book on the “inner workings of trees”. 

“Keep it,” Connor said from over his shoulder, causing Evan to jump. “I've got too many books anyway.”

Evan smiled. “Um… are you sure? It's such a nice book,” he said, cracking it open and thumbing through the pages.

“I have a feeling you'll like it more than I ever have,” Connor said. “It's yours.”

“Thank you,” Evan said, inspecting a diagram of a tree. Connor took his hand and gently led him to the bed. Evan sat down and set the book in his lap, enthralled. Connor sat down beside him and gently let go of his hand. He wrapped an arm around Evan, who leaned into him gently as he began memorizing the diagram.

Connor watched Evan as he read. His sandy blond hair was soft and tickled up against his neck when Evan rested his head on his shoulder. Connor loved watching him read- he enjoyed watching his eyes dart over words and around charts. He studied the blue shade of his eyes attentively. He didn't exactly know when he had decided to let Evan step into his life like this, but he was just grateful for the moment he was being given.

“Hey, do you still want me to help you with calculus?” Connor asked after letting Evan read for a good twenty minutes.

Evan looked up at Connor, blinking back to reality. “Oh, um, that would be nice,” Evan said, staring into Connor’s eyes. Connor stared back.

Evan leaned in before he knew what he was doing and kissed Connor quickly. As soon as his lips touched Connor’s, regrets invaded his head. That was uncalled for, that was assault. He pulled back and ducked his head.

“I'm so sorry, I'll leave now,” Evan mumbled. “It's getting to be 3:30 anyway, and-”

Connor placed his hands gently on Evan’s cheeks and pulled him back in, kissing him gently. Evan let his eyes close, and rested his hands gently on Connor’s shoulders. Connor’s lips were softer than he'd imagined, and that was about as much as he could register with his head spinning. Connor slowly pulled away after a moment to take a breath, and Evan kept his eyes closed tightly.

“Evan?” Connor asked. “Shit, are you okay?”

Evan let his eyes open and stared at Connor for a moment before nodding. “Way better than okay.”

Connor’s face split into a grin like Evan hadn't seen. He looked so genuinely happy that it made Evan’s heart flutter.

“Good,” Connor said. “Um… calculus. Calculus. Calculus…”

“...can wait?” Evan said, smiling hopefully. Connor glanced over at him, already reaching for a textbook.

“We only have so much time,” Connor said. “I don't want you to struggle with the homework-”

Evan kissed Connor again, wrapping his arms tightly around him. Connor made no move to start working on calculus. He set his hands on Evan’s waist and pulled him in closer. Evan let himself disengage from everything except for Connor for what felt like forever before the time issue snapped back into the front of his mind. He pulled away from Connor, and quickly slung his backpack over his shoulder.

“I have to go,” Evan said, regret spelled out on his face. “I'm sorry. I'll text you, okay?”

Connor nodded and stood when Evan did, pressing a quick kiss to Evan’s cheek.

“Yeah, yeah. I'll text you. Like, I'll text you back,” Connor said, his cheeks bright red. “Thank you for coming.”

Evan smiled. “Bye.” He left the room quickly, leaving Connor staring, dazed, behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if that felt rushed! It's very late and I gave a random boy my phone number today, so that's a thing. Pls don't tell me horror stories about bad things that have come from giving strangers your phone number
> 
> Comment your favorite vegetable, because why not
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	9. Another Masterful Attempt Ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this chapter very early today because there's no way that anything is distracting me from the Tony's later.
> 
> This chapter is unofficially titled "Olive misses theatre and now has a headcanon that Evan did tech freshman year and loves the catwalk".
> 
> Thanks so much for your kind comments! I'm going out of town and I've been super busy (the horror story that was getting this chapter transferred to my phone to post is a nightmare) so I haven the been able to respond much, but I read them all and cry maybe occasionally at some of them
> 
> Enjoy...

Evan got home at 4:01. His mom was making something on the stove that he figured he would have to suffer through.

"Evan?" she asked, turning around and smiling. "Evan, how was your day?"

"Um, it's been really good, mom," Evan said. "Uh, mom? I have to tell you something."

"Yes, honey?" she asked, stirring some pasta and glancing up at him. "Are you alright?"

"I-I... I'm dating someone. A boy," Evan said. "I'm sorry. I know that I'm a problem and I know this doesn't help and I'm sorry that I couldn't be simpler."

"Oh, Evan," Heidi said softly. "You don't have to be sorry about something like that. And you're not a problem, honey. I'm glad you were able to tell me."

"I just-" Evan mumbled. He held out his arm. "His name is Connor. He signed my cast."

"Aw, is that how you met him?" Heidi asked happily, clearly pleased that her idea had worked.

"Oh. Um, yeah," Evan lied, not wanting to go into how he had really met Connor. That was something his mother didn't need to know.

"That's so sweet. Is that who you were with on Saturday?" she asked happily, straining the pasta.

"Yeah. I, um, came from his house," he said awkwardly. "I wasn't sure you'd be, um, okay with it. Since he's a boy."

"Oh, honey. There are bigger things to worry about than what kind of person you're bringing home," she said. "And by the way, bring him over for dinner. I want to meet the young man."

Evan's eyes widened. Heidi poured the pasta back into the pot and squeezed cheese sauce ok it, mixing it all together with a wooden spoon.

"I'll ask. He's very busy," Evan said. "Very busy."

"Aw, he can make time, dear," Heidi said, smiling. "Oh, I'm so excited. I'll try to take off work, just tell me when."

"I will."

She poured the mac and cheese into two bowls. Perhaps dinner wouldn't be as bad as he had thought.

"So, is he cute?" Heidi asked. "Is he nice?"

"Yeah, he is," Evan said, smiling and sitting down at the table. Heidi put a bowl and fork in front of him and sat down across the table.

"What's he like?" she asked, beginning to eat. 

"He likes a lot of weird music. He burned me a CD of it, and it's kind of fun to listen to as long as I think of him listening to it instead of actually listening to it. He took me to this ice cream bar like twenty minutes away yesterday, and that was really nice. He corrects me when I apologize, and so last night he threw french fries at me whenever I would apologize. Jared doesn't like him much, but he's really wonderful," Evan said. As he talked, he slowly began grinning.

"He sounds like a nice boy, Evan," Heidi said, smiling. "I'm very happy for you."

"I'm happy too."

Heidi smiled brightly. She didn't know the last time she'd heard Evan say that and sound honest.

* * *

At lunch, Evan sat alone. Jared had some club that he was too afraid to attend, and he didn't exactly have any other friends, and so he just tried to keep as quiet as he could, tucked in a corner. He had a book on trees propped open, and he hated to admit how right Jared had been. He was looking at a picture of a tree, but not actually reading about it. Was that lame?

That morning he hadn't gotten to see Connor to talk about what had happened, he had just gotten a text that said "gonna be late, talk to u after school". As much as he had wanted to see Connor, he was thankful for the peace between him and Jared in the morning. Jared had been back to his usual, precocious self, and Evan was happy for it.

Out of the corner of his eye, Evan saw a blonde girl walk over and sit across from him, but his head staying fixed on his book.

“That was a shitty thing Connor did, I'm sorry,” she said, twirling her hair around her finger. “I was surprised Jared didn't stop him.”

Evan looked up at her. He vaguely knew her from AP Lit, and he was almost sure her name was Chloe. “Wh-what are you t-talking about?” Evan asked, trying not to stumble over his words rather unsuccessfully.

“The whole date thing,” maybe-Chloe said. “He shouldn't have asked you like that. I just wanted to say sorry for not telling you, I know that must've sucked. Did he even show up?”

“I-I don't understand,” Evan said. His mind reeled. What on Earth was she talking about?

“Did he not actually ask you out on a date? He told us he did,” she said. “Darn, and he won truth or dare."

“He- he asked me out as… as a dare?” Evan asked, putting the pieces together. He could feel his head spinning. He knew he didn't deserve Connor’s kindness. He had known it couldn't be real. He had known from the start, he had known and now he knew for sure that he wasn't worth shit. He had even believed Connor… he had started believing that maybe he was worth something, worth someone like Connor, but now…

“Woah, so you mean that he showed up and still didn't tell you?” maybe-Chloe asked. “Fuck, man. Sorry to break it to you.”

Evan stood up, tears clouding his vision. He stormed out of the lunchroom, leaving maybe-Chloe and the rest of the people whose names he didn't know behind. He sped through the halls to the bathroom, lockers passing in a blur of blue. The colorful tile smudged into an ugly blue-brown as tears came faster and faster. As he turned into the bathroom, he ran into someone and stumbled backward. He wiped his eyes, looking up at them.

“Evan? Fuck, what's-” Connor said. He had been smiling until he had seen Evan, and now concern was etched into his face.

“You know what's wrong,” Evan spat. “I-I hate you for doing that. I liked you. I-I was so stupid… I was so stupid.” His words were choked out between sobs, and Connor looked at him with wide eyes, clearly distraught.

“Evan, I meant to tell you-”

“Before or after I had- had really gotten into you? Before or after you got some kind of sick satisfaction out of it? People’s l-lives aren't for you to mess with, Connor,” Evan said, trying to wipe away his tears. “Jared was right about you. Were you just hoping I'd find a high enough tree, this time?”

“Evan, no. I really-”

“Screw off,” Evan said, shoving him out of the way and storming down the hallway. Connor watched him go. Evan turned back to him and pulled the CD out of his backpack. He snapped it in half with a bit of struggle, and the CD cut into his palm. “Shit,” he mumbled, sucking on it.

“Evan, let me get you a bandaid. I'm sorry, I meant to tell you.”

Evan stormed off bitterly, ignoring him. He went to the theater and pushed open the doors. He made his way to the stage and climbed up, looking out into the house for a moment before walking backstage. He headed for a ladder on the wall, climbed it all the way up to the catwalk above the stage, and sat down. He let the sobs rack his body.

In freshman year Evan had taken Stagecraft, and as soon as he had gone onto the catwalk for the first time, he had loved it. It was quiet and serene. He could look out on dangling lights and sound equipment and not be worried that anyone would find him. Morbid scenes from morbid musicals he'd had to watch for the class flashed through his mind- Sweeney Todd and Phantom of the Opera were at the forefront. He could see the man hanging from catwalk, hung by the Phantom, and could imagine the barber shop chair center stage. Odd fantasies distracted him from his quick breaths and internal panic. His hand bled onto his knee, but Evan wasn't much concerned. He'd go to the nurse later.

How could he have been deceived so easily? How could he have let Connor kiss him? How could he have not known?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How much longer do you guys want this to go? I'm thinking of ending it soon, around chapter 11-12. I have two more scenes planned out, but beyond that, I don't know where else to go. I might just start something new after this, but if you guys want this to stretch on, I can stretch it out. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Comment a country you'd love to visit.


	10. Good For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO PROUD OF BEN AND THE COMPANY OF DEAR EVAN HANSEN! 
> 
> Probably going to post another chapter later, all depends on how terrible the rich half of my family decides to be tonight. 
> 
> There were so many nice comments on the last chapter?? Thank you so much to everyone's who leaves comments, they mean the world to me!

Connor sat at his desk in English for the first time all year. Well, he wasn't actually there to do English, but he was present, and that was something. He had a piece of paper set in front of him, and a pencil clutched between his fingers. He stared at the blank sheet of paper.

Connor wanted to apologize, but he didn't know how. How could you explain that you were sorry that you'd betrayed someone's trust, someone who had put so much faith in you? He sighed and wrote "Dear Evan Hansen" at the top of the paper. That was a start. That was something.

He tapped his pencil on the desk until Alana turned to him and glared. She shushed him, and Connor rolled his eyes. He began scribbling out the first paragraph, but decided that it sounded too desperate, and then erased it. He was desperate, wasn't he? Maybe desperate was the right way to go.

Connor's sighed, and he began writing quickly, doing his best to keep his handwriting legible.

After class, he dropped the note in Evan's locker.

* * *

Evan stayed up on the catwalk even after the lunch bell rang. His eyes had dried and now he just stood, looking over the railing at the stage below him. Suddenly, the catwalk creaked, and Evan began to panic. Was he going to die? No, no, he didn't want to die. Not now. At least, not like this. The catwalk continued to creak for a moment, and then settled. Evan tugged at the hem of his shirt, glancing down at Connor's name on his cast.

"Evan?" came Jared's voice from behind him.

Evan closed his eyes, his panic settling. His chest still felt tight. He turned around and looked at Jared, spinning the fabric of his shirt around his finger.

"You knew, didn't you?" Evan asked. "You knew the whole time."

"You looked happy," Jared said regretfully, looking at the ground. "I didn't want to wreck that. I'm sorry."

"How could you let him do that?" Evan asked. "I thought that maybe you hung out with me for more than just car insurance."

"I do, Evan," Jared admitted. "But the dare wasn't to date you, it was just to ask you on a date. I mean, it might've been to go on one, I don't remember the wording. I just know that Monday was... a shock. I didn't think he'd ask you to go on a date again, and I didn't think that he'd hold your hand or any of that and I was confused but you were happy... I'm so sorry."

Evan nodded. "I-It's okay," he said softly. "Um... who else knew?"

"Alana, Chloe, Jackson. A couple other people," Jared said. "Don't be mad at them. I don't even know if they knew that anything went on after Saturday."

Evan nodded and sat down, leaning back against the wall. "I trusted him."

Jared sat down beside him. "I could tell. You were too nice for him, anyway. He was Connor Murphy, a drug addict- you're Evan Hansen, a guy who drinks Sprite at a party when beer is an option."

Evan smiled slightly. "He was nice, though. He gave me a book on trees. He bought me ice cream. He never asked for anything in return."

"There are always going to be nice people, Evan," Jared said. "Nice people who don't have plans to shoot up the school or smoke a joint after school."

Evan nodded and turned to Jared. "I know. Thank you," he said.

Jared smiled. "Want to hear some shitty jokes?"

Evan smiled slightly. "Why not?"

"How do trees access the Internet?" Jared asked, smiling. Evan shrugged. "They log on." Evan laughed and nudged Jared with his shoulder. "What did the tree do when his bank closed?"

"What?" Evan asked, smiling.

"Open his own branch," Jared said, smiling. "How do you properly identify a dogwood tree?"

"How?" 

"By the bark. Why can't the lonely evergreen stop thinking about high school?"

"You looked these up before you came in, didn't you?"

"Maybe. Answer the question."

"Why?"

"She's still pining to be one of the poplar kids."

"That's horrible," Evan said, laughing. "That's genuinely terrible."

"No it's not, you love it," Jared said, smiling. "Admit it."

"Maybe a little, but that doesn't keep it from being absolutely terrible," Evan said with a grin. He wiped his eyes and stood up. "You can't keep your perfect GPA if you don't go to class, you know."

"No, no. I'm not going until you go," Jared said.

"How did you even know where I'd be?" Evan asked.

"You stormed into the theater, according to Alana, and the door to the booth is locked," Jared said. "It was pretty easy. Now come on, I know you don't want your mom figuring out that you skipped class. Which is why I took it upon myself to add you to my hall pass from the nurse, you're welcome. I've taken three unnecessary ibuprofen to get you to class on time."

Evan smiled. "Whatever. Come on. If you fall on the way down, I'll laugh at you," Evan said. "Sorry, no I won't."

"I know," Jared said, beginning to slowly climb down the ladder with Evan following above him. When they reached the bottom, Evan hugged Jared tightly. Jared awkwardly patted his back.

"Thank you."

"Any time. Now, let's get to class. And don't ask for any more tree jokes, I could only remember so many."

* * *

Evan didn't make it to his locker until after school. It had been a very long day, and he had spent a lot of energy glaring at Alana's back in AP Latin. Jared had been texting him tree jokes all day, something he appreciated greatly. Jared being there for him was something he never expected, but something that was surprisingly comforting.

Evan opened his locker, and a paper fell to the floor. He picked it up gently.

Dear Evan Hansen,  
I'm sorry. I don't know how you found out, but that wasn't how I wanted you to find out. Frankly, I was hoping we could just go on as if I hadn't asked you out as a dare. I went into it regretful since I didn't want to hurt you. That's the last thing I wanted to do. But then I went to coffee with you, and... what can I say? Something changed. Please forgive me for not telling you myself. I want to be with you. Please, please take me back? You've been kinder to me than anyone has. You've been fun and lovely and wonderful and funny and I don't want to let that go.  
Please give me a second chance,  
Connor Murphy

Evan stared at the note. Jared came up behind him. "What's up, nerd?" he asked, leaning against the lockers. 

Evan turned to him and handed him the note and began exchanging books with those in his locker. Jared read in silence, and Evan stared at his locker door for a moment before closing it and turning to Jared.

"Shit, man," Jared said, looking up at him. "What're you gonna do? This is your chance to be spared when he shoots up the school instead of being target number one."

"I don't know," Evan said. "Why should I believe anything he says?"

"Fair point, fair point," Jared said. Connor, who Evan knew had to pass by his locker to get to his car, tried to walk by he two of them quickly. "Columbine, tonight's as good a night as any to off yourself."

Connor stopped and turned to Jared, clearly furious. "Don't fuck with me, Kleinman." He turned on his heel and walked away, with only a quick glance at Evan and a quick glance down at the letter in his hand.

"You shouldn't have said that," Evan said. "That was a little too far."

Jared glanced over at him and shrugged. "He deserves it."

"No one deserves that."

* * *

Connor sat in his room after school, and struggled to not bang his head against the wall. Jared's comment wouldn't get out of his head. He stood and paced around his room, tugging at his hair. He eventually felt as though he was going to burst if he stayed in his room, so he left, going to the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

"Connor?" Zoe asked. She was sitting on the counter next to the coffee maker. In his rush, Connor hadn't seen her. "Everything alright?"

"Yes, Zoe. Fuck off," he mumbled, burying his face in his glass.

"Can I braid your hair?" she asked, pouring coffee into a mug.

"Why?" Connor asked, sipping his orange juice. "And maybe, if you'll get me coffee."

"Because you're my brother and you love me," she said, pouring a second mug for him. She walked over and set it in front of him. She held her hand out and he pulled a hair band off his wrist and set it on her palm. "Thank you."

She began French braiding his hair after running through it with her fingers.

"Anything you want to talk about?" she asked. "Anything at all?"

"I'm sure your girlfriend has told you all about it," Connor said frustratedly. "About how fucking horrible I am and about how much of a fuck up I am. I get it, Zoe."

"Alana didn't say it with those words," Zoe said. "Not exactly."

"Look, I like him, okay? And I didn't mean to fuck it up, I was hoping no one would say anything. I thought they were all too drunk to remember," Connor muttered.

"Apparently Chloe was not," Zoe mumbled. "Also, brush your hair next time."

"If I don't, will that dissuade you from ever doing this again?" Connor asked with a smile.

"No," Zoe said. "It just makes it harder. And have you considered just, you know, talking to   
Evan?"

"I wrote him a letter."

"Ooh, how nice," Zoe said. "A letter. That's spectacularly unimpressive," she said. "Anyone has the guts to write a letter."

"There's a reason people don't come to you for advice."

"There's a reason people don't come to you for a friend."

"That was harsh," Connor said, angrily sipping his coffee. "Hurry up."

"Got somewhere else to be?" Zoe asked, finishing up the braid.

"I'm going to go to his house. Fucking Kleinman will be there, I'm sure, but I want to... try to explain," Connor said, standing up as soon as she tied the braid. "I'm going to go."

"Try not to be angry," Zoe said. "And don't smoke anything on the way there. And maybe wear something other than black."

Connor flipped her off and stalked out the door, pulling the braid over his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comment your favorite thing that happened at the Tony's last night, or, if you didn't watch them, your favorite kind of tree. Feel free to comment both, if you want!


	11. There's Nothing I Can Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive the brevity of this chapter, I'm at the beach and my family is dysfunctional and making us look good in front of our rich family members is a full time job 
> 
> I hope to keep updating once a day like always, but I might not be able to make that. Also, Sunday I leave to be a counsellor at a Girl Scout camp for two weeks, and if I'm very productive I'll get in two updates on the 24th, but that'll be it. 
> 
> Thanks for all of your kind comments, they make me smile when writing is hard

Connor knocked on Evan's door, trying to look as calm as possible. Honestly, he felt sick because he just wanted Evan back, but he had to convince himself to be fine. To be fine. The car ride had been long, and Connor had kept the radio quiet the whole time. He kept remembering telling Evan about each song and he just wanted all of that out of his head.

Evan opened the door. His eyes were red and swollen. Connor felt a twinge in his stomach at the sight of him.

"Evan," he said softly.

"I don't want to talk right now, Connor," Evan said, closing the door. Connor put his hand out and kept Evan from closing it.

"Please? I want to apologize." Connor said. "I'm sorry, I really am, Evan."

"It's not your fault. I should've known that what you were saying wasn't true," Evan said, wiping his eyes. He tried again to close the door, but Connor stopped him.

"It was all true," Connor said. "All but what I originally said. Everything was... very fucking honest besides the time I asked you out. And I'm really fucking sorry for deceiving you, but I'm not sorry I did it." Connor looked down at the ground. "If I hadn't done it, I never would've gotten to know you. Now like, punch me or kick me out, or whatever."

Evan stayed silent for a moment as Connor stared at the ground.

"Did Zoe do your hair?" Evan asked. "It looks nice."

Connor looked up. "Are you kidding me?" he asked. "You care who did my hair?"

Evan shrugged. "Can you give me time to think? I really- I really want to believe you, Connor. I do. B-but, you can understand my hesitation?"

Connor nodded and took both of his hands. Evan looked up at him. "Yeah," Connor said. "Just... tell me if you want to talk."

Evan nodded. "Do me one favor? I... um, I just want... um, one thing."

"What is it?"

* * *

After Connor had called the pizza place, placed an order, and paid for the pizza using the money Heidi had left on the counter, he had left. They hadn't talked, they hadn't even looked at each other, but Evan was... happy, he supposed, for his presence. He hadn't wanted Jared there, no matter how kind he was being, because he had wanted to be alone. But there was something about sitting with Connor that felt... right.

When Connor had stood at the door and taken Evan's hands, Evan had wanted to feel placated. He wanted to forgive Connor and hug him and have him inside for dinner and pretend like nothing had happened. The last week had been the best of his life- he had someone other than Jared, and someone who made him feel like he was important. Special, even. Evan wanted all of that back, but he just couldn't stand to have it torn from him again. Especially because when Connor held his hands, he was reminded of the time he had taken his hand at the party.

Evan sat on the floor in the living room with a three-olive pizza placed in front of him. He had eaten two slices so quickly that for a while he thought he might throw up. He supposed he should've eaten lunch.

Evan's phone sat in front of him, and the screen glowed dully. Every couple minutes the screen would darken, and he'd tap it again and stare at Connor's messages in a brighter shade of blue. He wanted so badly to believe him...

* * *

Connor had gone home after Evan's angry and hungry. He stormed into the living room and to the kitchen, grabbing a box of cereal and angrily sticking his hand into the box. He jumped when he saw Zoe on the counter.

"Didn't go well?" she asked, standing up.

"Fuck you," he mumbled, shoving cereal in his face. 

"He's here for you," she said, pointing out to the living room. Connor looked where she pointed and saw Jared Kleinman, grinning wickedly.

"Fuck me," Connor groaned, banging his head against the refrigerator.

"That's incest. This isn't Kentucky, Connor," Zoe said, smiling and walking to the stairs and up to her bedroom. Connor glared after her.

Connor walked out to the living room and glared daggers at Jared.

"Nice hair," Jared said. "Is this part of the depressed teenager phase? Or did Evan decide he was straight?"

"Get out of my fucking house," Connor grumbled, sitting down in an armchair and continuing to eat cereal.

"As tempting as that is, I came here for a reason," Jared said, lacing his fingers together in his lap and leaning forward.

"Spit it the fuck out, Kleinman," Connor said, quickly losing any patience he had.

"I want to know if you were serious about Evan," Jared said after a moment, looking a little uncomfortable. "I want to know if you actually care about him."

"Do you really think that I just went over to his house and ordered him pizza because I was apathetic about him?" Connor asked, glaring at the cereal.

"Aw, look at you using vocab words."

"I swear to fucking Jesus Christ, Kleinman-"

"I just want to know if I should be advising Evan to forgive you or hate you," Jared said. "Just clear that up for me."

"Why would I fake feelings for Evan? If I wanted to pretend to enjoy someone's company for the sake of my reputation, no offense, I wouldn't make myself look gay and I wouldn't have chosen Evan fucking Hansen," Connor said. "There are 0 social perks to Evan."

"Want me to tell him that?"

"No, but I kind of hoped that he'd put it together on his own. There's nothing to gain by me lying to him. I just... I like spending time with him. It hasn't been more than a week and already I just... just advise him to forgive me. That's all. Now get out of my fucking house," Connor said, standing and pointing at the door with the box of cereal. "Now."

"The cereal box adds flair," Jared said, standing. "Very threatening. When you shoot up the school, do you plan to throw cereal at all of us? If so, my preference is definitely fruit loops." Connor walked just behind him, opening the door and pointing out, still with the cereal box. Jared patted his shoulder. "Good talk, Columbine."

Connor closed the door and slumped to the ground, burying his face in his knees. Zoe watched him from the top of the stairs, and sat quietly as he cried.

* * *

EvanHansen1: You really think that I should forgive him?  
JaredtheB0$$: give him one more shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comment whether you like Barbra Streisand, Julie Andrews, Judy Garland, or Audrey Hepburn better. Just for fun


	12. So Big/So Small

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my finest work, whoops. Sorry if it's rushed, I'm very tired but felt bad about not having updated. 
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who leaves comments, they make my day!

It was Friday when Evan finally worked up the courage to talk to Connor. He planned on walking to his house- give himself time to think over what exactly he was going to say. He liked to walk when he needed to think things over, and this was exactly the type of thing that could only be cured by a stroll through the suburbs. However, Evan had not planned on it raining. Half way through the walk, a crack of thunder shook the sky and let loose a downpour of rain that drenched Evan. To make things worse, as he stood at a cross walk, waiting for a light to shift, a car had driven by and drenched him in muddy water. How was he supposed to talk to Connor like this? He was sure he looked pathetic.

Evan trudged up the steps to Connor’s house. It seemed so grand and large, and he felt so small. The house towered over him as he shivered in his soaked clothes. He knocked. After a few moments, Cynthia opened the door. She looked at Evan sympathetically.

“Dear, are you okay?” she asked. “Are you hear for Zoe?”

“I-I’m okay, I'm here for, um, Connor,” Evan said, his arms wrapped tightly around himself.

“Oh. Okay,” she said, shock written across her face. She glanced down and saw Evan’s cast. She smiled. “Come on in, you look cold.” She opened the door further, and Evan shook his head.

“I don't want to get the floor wet,” he said.

“Don't worry, dear, we just got this new kind of water resistant tile, it's so nice. Only wish I would've had it when Zoe and Connor were kids,” she said with a smile. Evan tentatively stepped inside. Cynthia looked up at the stairs. “Connor, come to the door!”

“Why?” Connor yelled back, his voice muffled through the walls. Cynthia closed the door behind Evan, feeling as small as ever in the cavernous entryway.

“You've got a friend here!” Cynthia called. Connor appeared like magic at the stairs, and cast Evan a bright smile, before it fell off of his face into a masked expression of calm. He had a black eye and a busted lip that was red and swollen. He walked down the stairs to Evan. “I'll leave you two. Call if you need anything.” She grinned and walked excitedly down the hall.

“What happened to you?” they asked in unison, Evan inspecting Connor’s face and Connor looking Evan up and down as he dripped onto the floor. Connor held up a finger and walked to the living room, pulling a hoodie off the rack and tossing it to Evan, who gratefully pulled it on.

“I’m sorry if I get this dirty,” Evan said, hugging the hoodie close to himself. “A car splashed water on me and I didn't expect it to rain and… yeah. What happened to you? I'm sorry for not asking before I started talking.”

“I told the quarterback’s girlfriend that she was a bitch for saying something to Zoe. Don't tell Zoe that, though. She’ll get all these ideas about me not hating her,” Connor said as though the idea disgusted him. “Do you… want to come upstairs? I figure that you want to… talk.”

“Yeah, I do,” Evan said. “Very briefly.”

Connor tried not to look upset. “Let me get you a towel.”

He pointed upward and walked up the stairs. “You can go to my room.” Evan nodded and headed up, ducking into the room as Connor grabbed him a fluffy white towel from the bathroom. He followed Evan into his room. “Take off the sweatshirt until you're dry so when you are you can put it back on.” Evan nodded and slipped off the sweatshirt, pulling at his shirt as it clung to his chest. 

“I won't look if you want to… um… take it off.” Connor turned around and Evan awkwardly slipped out of his shirt as it stuck to his skin, and wrapped the towel around himself like a blanket,

“You can turn back around.”

Connor stared at Evan, who stared back intently. 

“I'm not mad.”

“You're not?”

“I never was.”

“Oh.”

They stared for a moment before Connor crossed the room and sat down on the bed.

“You can sit down.”

Evan sat, making sure to keep the towel beneath him. He didn't want to make the sheets wet.

“I'm sorry,” Evan said. 

“What for?”

“Making a big deal out of nothing.”

“You didn't.”

“I did.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Connor stared at Evan.

“Your lip is bleeding.”

“Shit-“

Evan leaned forward and tucked Connor’s hair behind his ear, dabbing at his lip with a wet part of the towel.

“Better.”

Connor stared at him.

“How gross would it be if I kissed you right now?” Connor asked.

Evan leaned in and kissed him quickly and gently before pulling away. Connor stared at him, and Evan's composure fell apart under his gaze. He felt young and small and he wasn't sure what he was doing at all.

“I'm so sorry. I'm stupid for thinking that you meant to hurt me. I'm sorry for ignoring you. I'm sorry for pushing you and snapping the CD. I'm sorry-“

Connor kissed him until he stopped trying to talk, and then leaned back. Evan looked at him sadly.

“I’m sorry that I ever gave you any reason to be upset,” he said. Evan shrugged and Connor put a finger over his lips to keep him from beginning to talk. “I'm also sorry for making you feel sorry for any of the things you just said. I’m the asshole, not you. And don't try to contradict me.”

Evan nodded and looked down at his lap, and then back up. “Does he look like you?”

“What?” Connor asked, confused by the change of topic.

“The quarterback. Did you hit back?” Evan asked, fumbling with the edge of his cast.

“I think we look just about equal,” Connor said, smiling. His posture visibly relaxed and he laid down on the bed. Evan thought his smile was beautiful.

“Well, that's good,” Evan said. “I mean, at least he didn't get away with it.”

Connor nodded and sat up. “I’m taking you somewhere.”

“What are you talking about?” Evan asked, looking up at him as Connor began to pace around his room, digging through drawers. He pulled out a light grey t-shirt, and tossed it to Evan. 

“Don't have jeans short enough for you. Will you be okay?” Connor asked. 

“If you tell me where we’re going,” Evan said, twisting the towel around his finger.

“No, that ruins it. And you'll never want to go,” Connor said, looking through another drawer. He tossed Evan a pair of sunglasses.

“Why would I need these?” Evan asked, growing rapidly more confused. 

“Passing showers. God, Hansen, check the weather,” he said. “What shoe size do you wear?”

“Ten, why?” Evan asked.

“Perfect. I'd lend you nicer shoes, but you'd freak out and stuff so here, I've owned these for four years.” Connor set a pair of Converse in front of Evan, along with a dry pair of socks. “Hurry, it'll be getting dark in like four hours.”

Evan looked at Connor, unconvinced that any of this was a good idea. He let out a sigh and began changing shoes. He tied them up and looked at Connor. “Turn around.” Connor did as Evan said and turned, after which Evan changed into the t-shirt and slipped the hoodie on over it.

“Ready?” Connor asked.

“I’m not sure where you're going with this-“

“Don't be a bore, Hansen,” Connor said, dashing out of his room and down the stairs. Evan began walking quickly after him. He waved at Cynthia, who was sitting at the kitchen table, with a smile. She waved back, looking almost as concerned as Evan felt as they darted out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Comment your favorite flower, and why it's our favorite.


End file.
